gerrxldlyn

Caution, wordy post. Very.

I've deleted my previous post and came to blog again mainly because,
1) I'm damn bored now
2) I'm playing Minesweeper with MelanieWong online now and I totally just lost interest
3) I've the day and more things to blog about
4) I'm wayy too bored while waiting for her to make a move
5) I'm lossing the game = Lost interest
6) She thinks that it is boring too
7) We both agreed to close the game and continue being bored

I think my reasons alone is enough to make a post.

The day had been alright.
Morning before paper was funny. Good.
Some God-damn disgusting wish of a hell disgusting person came true, YUCKS. Hahah.
I have this eww feeling in me now.
& it feels as though it is staying in me for good.
Okay, abit of it is gone but I feel it coming back /:

Anyway, back to topic.
Oh, before I forget.
Zhenyi was being so thick skinned (Although she doesn't admit it)
She went to put on my wallpaper this 'Zhenyi is the best!!!'

I've been hearing alot of funny things lately, hahah.
Today, I almost laughed to myself during paper because I suddenly remembered something that Jiaping told me on the way to school. Oh my. Lucky, I didn't.
Jiaping has been coming out with alot of jokes on XiaoN and her 一颗心, hahah.
Damn mean.

I want to stop being a mean person.
I mean, I'm wayy too evil la.
I laugh at almost everyone.
It's so detestable and I know it. (I'm someone who cares alot about what other thinks)
I'm so damn sure I wasn't like this last time.
Well, not to this extent although I still do laugh at people.
I WANT TO CHANGE TO BE A BETTER PESON.
Everyone, maybe most change for the better.
I'm among the minority(?) that change for the worst.
I don't blame anyone for the change.
I've been talking so much and crticising so much about people and not myself, God.
This has to stop.

If I'm ever promoted to sec5, I'm never gonna mix with her ever again. I promise.
She can hate me, talk about me to others, laugh at me, laugh at me like how she laughed at XiaoN, do whatever to me, I DON'T CARE.
& even if no one wants to talk to me or be my friend because I've hanged out with her before or whatever,
I DON'T CARE TOO.
Even if I have to be a loner because some people is so scared of her or no one is willing to have me as a friend because of this detestable past, I DON'T CARE!!!!
I just wanna do well.
Having her as a friend, is not doing me anything good.
It has changed me to another person, someone worst.
It's affecting my studies as well.
Not like I do very well in the past but it's worst now. Way too worst.
Example my combine science, from a C5/6 to a E8/D7?
C5/6 is bad enough.
& moreover, she's a DAMN selfish friend.
She got notes for Maths from another friend, but she didn't even bothered to ask if we wanted it.
& she always says whatever she wants without thinking about other people's feeling.
She always says whatever she likes, and she doesn't care about what other people thinks.
Sorry, I'm not like that. I care ALOT about what people think of me.
She can copy people and not admitting to it but she can say people copy her.
She wants everything that people wants. Than if someone else gets it before her, she'll say that person copy her, and curse that person like mad. For God's sake!!!!!!! Who in the right mind wants to copy her.
There are more to this.
& because of all this acts, it has influenced me to be who I am now, damn it.
But I shan't blame anyone.
In the first place, I've got a choice whether to be influenced or not.
I WANT TO CHANGE TO BE A BETTER PERSON.
This is gonna be difficult, I know.
So from now onwards, everytime she talks about someone, I'm not gonna join in or laugh with her, unless it's something very very funny and I'm not the only person who thinks that it's funny. Otherwise, I'm shutting up.
So, if you see me not with her, don't ask me what happened between us.
NOTHING, I just wanna change.
I don't like who I am now.
Or if you see me not laughing or whatever, I'm not sad!
I just don't wanna be such a evil person anymore.

There's alot of people I want to say sorry too but I simply don't have the courage to.
Alot of people now hate me because of her.
Even people whom I'm not close to can ask Rachel why I change to become like this.
There's once, I was on the bus.
I was suppose to have lunch with her and Jiaping but because I merely talked to Tricia a few words, she got off the bus and totally walked off as though she don't know me.
So, I'm not suppose to talk to someone she don't like?
Everytime I'm walking with her, she see someone she doesn't like, she'll say bad things about the person damn loudly. It's gonna get me into trouble one day.
I don't like this. It's so irritating.
I want back the old sec3 life when I wasn't close to her, at all.
I really hate this kinda life.

People whom I ever laughed at, talked bad about, please forgive me.
I don't really mean what I said.
I just wanted some fun, ended up at your expense.
I'm sorry.
I mainly did all this because I was under the influence of her.
I promise this will never happen again.

I swear I'm going to be a better person next year.
I wouldn't be who I am now anymore, I promise.
Please, give me the time to change.
Give me another chance.